cradily:

i dont just take naps i accidentally hibernate

skyrover9:

mkaiser323:

It’s fun to chant “Bloody Mary” into your car’s side mirror three times and watch her jog and try to keep up.

Being a dick even to demons

32chainz:

my mum just shouted “yolo!!” from the kitchen and i heard plates smash

(Source: oreoofficial)

exemplarybehaviour:

yesterday i went to buy something and the store owner looked up and said something to me in chinese and i was so surprised i just said “what” in english and then we stared at each for a full ten seconds like what the fuck we are in spain 

idaresayihavetoomany:

its-always-funnier-in-enochian:

timelord-castiel:

rosskemp:

do i have cramps or has my appendix exploded

does my boob hurt or am i having a heart attack

am i on my period or do i have internal bleeding

these are our struggles

Thinking of dirty thoughts and getting an erection in awkward situations

The struggles of a man

boo hoo

thinking of my naked grandma isnt going to suck the blood back into my vagina

you need an award right now

(Source: kul5ara)

vardaesque:

today at work a little girl and her dad came through my line and she picked up two things of altoids and she was like “daddy let’s get the same flavor! so when you’re in afghanistan i can eat mine and you can eat yours and we can be together!” and me and my cashier just stood there like DON’T CRY DON’T FUCKING CRY DON’T BE A BABY AND FUCKING CRY

and then they left and we fucking wailed like children

(Source: urulokid)

spaghettipeej:

spaghettipeej:

i think i accidentally ate some of my grandma’s ashes that were on her bed

MY GRANDMA SMOKES I MEANT CIGARETTE ASHES


kurosukone:

True sibling protection

(Source: lovefortelevision)

theswimmingpoolisinthelibrary:

is-doitsu-an-instrument:

is-doitsu-an-instrument:

In France, they say “mdr” instead of “lol” and that roughly translates to “death by laughter” so basically instead of laughing really loudly like we do, the French laugh so hard that they die.

French slang is freaking metal.

DEATH BY OHONHONHON

…We use both.

olympains:

maybe i can watch this hour long episode in ten minutes


ruinedchildhood:

She warned him.

scott-pilgrimage:

whosromeo:

i think it’s cute when someone admits they have a crush on you

i think it’s a fucking miracle 

shslequius:

iguanamouth:

people whose entire first name is also in their last name have had a rough journey

i once knew a daniel daniels and i think his parents just had a sick sense of humor because his middle name was dan